feeling of emptiness.

so i didn't get the saturday i wished for.
the desperate way out was to join my grandaunts and granduncle for dinner.
it wasn't fancy but at least i get to get out of the house.

SIGHS.

it feels sooooo bad to be here. i thought everything was gonna be ok and i totally told myself that i'll be able to deal with everything after all i got my mom and everything. but is not.

I'M NOT OKAY! I'M REALLY NOT OK HERE!

i'd much rather be somewhere else.
be it in singapore or anywhere. ANYWHERE HAPPIER! =(

i miss all of you ppl sooooo much. i don't know how i can deal with that everyday.

i came back home from dinner today and i decided to call my best fren. and both of them were there together. so lump and becca.
man, i was sooooooo happy to hear ur 2 voices together. but somehow it feels so different.
to know that u guys are having fun and i'm actually missing it. and to know that i'm actually so far away from u guys. it juz hurts. and the fact that i really miss u guys doesn't help me feel better. it made everything worse.

is not ur fault really. NOT AT ALL.
in fact, i wanna apologize for breaking down and cry on the phone. I'M SO SORRY.
i juz feel ever so lonely. and i feel like i've got no one here. is that bad...
u guys tell me to make frens... but with who?
and there's no one here for me to hang out with.
weekends without my frens is juz so different. too different to be put into words.

i wish i can somehow deal with this and wish that it'll be over soon.
but one more painful month to go.
i'm only leaving for aussie early in june. probably 10th june.
sighs.

i'm turning into an emo kid.
maybe JEAN was right. i am an emo kid.