denial? confusion?

sometimes i wonder to myself...
am i living in denial?
am i really contented with watever i have now?
i really wonder.

i feel happy. and i like it that way.
but there are juz some things that'll take ur hapiness away.
sometimes i feel that my life is different from any other girls my age.
even my friends.

don't you notice everyone's got something to complain about in life?
ppl are complaining about how they live and stuff.
why is that so?!
ppl can say that they're contented with watever it is.
i don't think that's true.
if u're happy with how the situation is...
u wouldn't be complaining now, would u?

contradicting as it is...

i think all along, i've kept my sadness hidden.
i hate to show the world the ugly side of me.
the unhappy side of me.
coz my thinking is, if i would juz be happy...
i should share it with everyone.
flash a smile whenever and wherever.
however, i have to also face the reality that not everyone is gonna do the same.
not everyone is gonna flash a smile at u and make ur day.

it feels that i'm living my life for someone else.
i don't like that.
i wanna live for myself.
coz is my life.
sometimes i wish i could grow up faster, live my dream so it'll be my own.
but at the same time, i don't wanna waste my youth by growing up so fast.
sighs.
life is sooo full of contradictions.